Eurovision live

Eurovision live

IT Fri, May 25

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  • 19:50
    So! Eurovision time almost upon us! Rosita Boland here, and I'll be blogging away while the Baku madness gets underway. Mind you, while we're still sweltering here, it's almost midnight in Baku. Bonkers. It'll be tomorrow already by the time they kick off the Greatest Vote-A-Thon ever invented. Important things to know: Jedward are no 23 to perform - fourth last. Apparently this is a grand place to be. Voters have a better chance of remembering you, which must mean Nul Points for Engelbert Humperdinck, as he's first up. I also have it on good authority that while six Russian grannies (act 6) will perform, there are two in reserve. So it's all really just like a football match.
  • 19:56
    There is popcorn. This is good.
  • 19:58
    Random facts. Poland aren't in it. They're saving their money and energies for something to do with sport.
  • 20:00
    Will the Jedward hair be up or down? I do not approve of the flat look
  • 20:03
    And we're off! It's THAT intro music! It's dark in Baku. There are pink fireworks.There are lads in white. Glowing. Now they;re flying. They're not actually in the competition, though. Peter Pan for our times. Flying and all
  • 20:05
    There are ladies with floaty veils. And a drum. More lads. In black this time. Dancing. Do keep up.
  • 20:06
    Azerbaijanian Riverdance just happened. Wonder what they're keeping for the interval, so.
  • 20:07
    I am reliably informed these pair in white are last year's winners. Singing live? Or not?
  • 20:09
    More white gunas. Seven months to build the Crystal Hall! What are they going to do with it afterwards? Bid for the Olympics? Marty says on RTE it's the size of a football stadium. That's one less Olympic thing to build
  • 20:10
    Why Crystal Hall? Is there a diamond for everyone in the audience?
  • 20:12
    PR stuff. "Postcards" they're calling them.
  • 20:14
    It's Engelbert. He's not in white. He does not have a quiff. And there is only one of him. Unlike our Jedward.
  • 20:15
    I know nothing about music, by the way.
  • 20:18
    Hungary. Eeeek! My eyes! What's with the lighting? They're also in black. Will everyone be wearing either black or white?
  • 20:19
    That Eurovision logo reminds me of a certain ice-cream company
  • 20:20
    My Lovely Horses! Horses on screen!
  • 20:21
    Albania. Well, her hair is giving Jedward's a run for their money. Snake hair. Fabulous, if terrifying.
  • 20:23
    That's pretty amazing. That long note. Wonder what the lyrics mean. Nothing funny, i'm guessing. No comedy here.
  • 20:25
    Lithuania. Black again. Lawks! A jewelled blindfold? Is everyone in the audience really that hard on the eyes?
  • 20:26
    Love is Blind. Oh God. Worst. Faff. Ever. With that blindfold thing. It's off now. As are the voters.
  • 20:28
    More horses. Wonder where that famous Lovely Horse is now. I'd pay good money to see him, and his fetlocks flying in the wind
  • 20:30
    Bosnia and Herzegovina. Yup. She's wearing black. "I know your steps" is the name of the song. I mean, what kind of song title is that?
  • 20:32
    Russian grannies alert!
  • 20:34
    Russia!. Party for Everybody! That's more like a song title. That look like they're cracking up. Love the grannies! I bet the two in reserve are raging they're not on stage. Unless they're hiding under the costumes.
  • 20:34
    I wonder do Russia think sending the grannies is the same as us sending Dustin
  • 20:38
    Iceland. It ain't Bjork. Here comes the violin. Snoozeathon. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
  • 20:42
    Cyprus. This is fun. Sequins! Acrobatics! No idea what they're singing, but La La Love is the title. La la lalalalalala. Who needs lyrics when you have la la?
  • 20:48
    Italy. Back after 14 years, apparently. Who knew?
  • 20:51
    oooh, i like this. Interesting hair, too. "lalalalalalalalala" again. When in doubt, always lalalalallallllaaa. Except - what are those red things in her ears?
  • 20:54
    It's now 1am in Baku. Sun still out here. Hurrah! Now, then, Estonia. Your man is wearing the same waistcoat he wore earlier in the week. I feel cheated. Jedward, take note. And while I'm at - I'm VERY DISAPPOINTED that @planetjedward didn't reply to my tweet this morning. But it's not too late yet, boys
  • 20:58
    Norway. It's only dawning on me at this point that the national flags get lit up outside the Crystal Stadium before each act. Well, since it started in the middle of night, they might as well do something with the dark.

    I think Norway are also recycling their costumes. This is cheap. This is Recession Eurovision. I do not approve
  • 21:00
    The Green Room looks like the nightmare that is an Ikea showroom
  • 21:02
    See? The presenter lassie is talking to Engelbert. That's because the voters have already forgotten him, because he was roughly 5,000 acts ago.
  • 21:03
    Home country. Azerbaijan. The singer is composed of a pair of lips. Like that Dali sofa.
  • 21:06
    Romania. Michael Jackson with bagpipes.
  • 21:11
    Denmark. On temporary leave from the army, it appears.
  • 21:14
    These "postcards" are doing my head in. Retire the costumes, please
  • 21:16
    Greece. Wonder what they'd do if they actually won. How much does it cost again to stage this mania?
  • 21:17
    Poor Greece.
  • 21:18
    Sweden. 11/10 on Paddy Power. 12/1 the Jedwards
  • 21:21
    It's snowing in Baku. Inside. On Sweden.
  • 21:27
    Turkey. Land of Tea. No, wait, that's Azerbaijan. Land of Tea. Land of Horses. Land of Lights. Land of Midnight. Land of Coloured Eggs.

    Turkey . I'm exhausted just looking at them. I think their boat is scuttled, though
  • 21:27
    The popcorn bowl has been replenished!
  • 21:28
    Only four acts to Jedward. Still time to tweet me, lads. No pressure.
  • 21:30
    Spain. There is no boat. This is not good enough.
  • 21:31
    Land of Energy. Land of Other Things We Won't Mention
  • 21:32
    Germany. He has a beehive under that hat, you know.
  • 21:33
    Germany. He has a beehive under that hat, you know.
  • 21:33
    Or maybe he's cold. It must be freezing in there, with all those tens of thousands of people
  • 21:37
    Can we see the Russian grannies again? Can we? No, it's Malta.
  • 21:38
    NIce little venue for the Rose of Tralee, all the same. Is it transportable?
  • 21:40
    Macedonia. Warm up act for Jedward. Still not too late for a tweet, lads.
  • 21:42
    Roll up the Jedwards!
  • 21:43
  • 21:43
    Jedward are practically bald
  • 21:44
    It's us! Them! Jedward!

  • 21:44
  • 21:45
  • 21:45
  • 21:46
    They must be roasting
  • 21:46
    The Heart! With their hands! It's our recession special effects
  • 21:47
    Diarmuid Gavin, eat your heart out. No garden should be without a Waterline Fountain
  • 21:47
    Ah, the Jedwards. Is it over already?
  • 21:49
    Serbia, blah blah blah. They're not Jedward. Enough already.
  • 21:53
    Ukraine. Psahws. SEE? Nobody else had a fountain.
  • 21:57
    Last song. Moldova. Things are clearly bad there. Not a shoe between them.
  • 21:58
    We have it won.
  • 21:58
    So we do.
  • 22:00
    Engelbert who?
  • 22:09
    In unrelated Eurovision news, a cracker of a sunset out there on Dublin Bay
  • 22:12
    If you had never been to Ireland, you'd definitely want to go after watching Jedward. So you would.
  • 22:13
    Third rerun of clips from the acts. Or three thousandth?
  • 22:15
    Still think the hair was a mistake, though Jedward.
  • 22:17
    Votes were made in the room I'm in for Italy and Cyprus
  • 22:19
    Interval act.

    Hope they have fire extinguishers on hand
  • 22:26
    The annual geography lesson. Flags.
  • 22:28
    Voting! It's starting!
  • 22:29
    Go, Jedward!
  • 22:30
    Calls of "fix" in the room.
  • 22:32
    Some things never change. Like the voting patterns. Even though nobody else had a FOUNTAIN
  • 22:34
    One point for us! But there are two of them!
  • 22:35
    "Hello cutie pies in Baku," - from the Belgian voter guy. Classy. Stay classy
  • 22:36
    Aw, this is no fun
  • 22:36
    Land of jingoism
  • 22:36
    Norway... nul points
  • 22:37
    The grannies are second? Am i hallucinating?
  • 22:38
    I mean, i loved them and all. But. Well. They're hardly Abba
  • 22:39
    Eighth last time. Eighth-last this time, looking like
  • 22:40
    I miss the crackly phone lines and bad connections
  • 22:40
    Sweden are a go.
  • 22:41
    Will Britian vote for us?
  • 22:41
    10 points! They love us! Or something.
  • 22:43
    I'd say the grannies have heartburn
  • 22:46
    Britain are scarla right now
  • 22:47
    No bunny jumps in the Jedward camp now
  • 22:49
    Iceland break their duck
  • 22:49
    Norway - NUL POINTS. In case you haven't noticed
  • 22:51
  • 22:52
    Huh? A break? We're in the MIDDLE OF VOTING
  • 22:53
    Crew where I am are singing Snowdrops and Daffodils...
  • 22:54
    Diamond Jubilee. Olympics. And one point in the Eurovision
  • 22:57
    Lalalalalalalallalalalalal LALALA
  • 22:59
    That Swedish person has a pretty amazing accent
  • 23:00
    Swedish chef in Muppets comes to mind
  • 23:01
    "Engelbert has nine grandchildren to explain this to," Says someone in the room with me
  • 23:05
    Wonder who'll be giving our our votes? and where? Spire? Conference centre?
  • 23:06
    This year, grannies and bread-making. Next year, expect a pop up restaurant
  • 23:07
    Look at the Finland guy! Awesome. A troll, i think.
  • 23:07
    He's ghastly. Finland guy.
  • 23:08
    Ah, the Jedwards. Knew the flat hair was a mistake
  • 23:10
    Kate Bush and the Grannies. I mean, you couldn't make it up
  • 23:11
    That Macedonian guy was alseep on the sofa. Well, it is 2.10am in Baku
  • 23:13
    Comment in the room, "There's an outside chance we might not win."
  • 23:13
    i blame the HAIR decision
  • 23:15
    Not sure why we're last to vote. Thought it was in order of countries appearing. But hey. Sniff
  • 23:16
    Grainne Seoige. Yup, conference centre in background. A mini Baku
  • 23:17
    Sweden. Which we knew about an hour ago.
  • 23:18
    Marty just referred to people called "John and Edward". Are you denying them already? ARE YOU?
  • 23:19
    Wonder will she give the flowers to the grannies
  • 23:20
    Well, third time lucky, eh Jedward?
  • 23:22
    OK, folks, wrapping up here now. That was... that was a lesson in the value of baking bread on stage.